How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize