Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
