My liver just broke up with me...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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