oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
