she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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