she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
