Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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