the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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