we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
