I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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