his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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