i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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