it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
