you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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