Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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