i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
