I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
