currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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