No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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