The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
