My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
