Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
