If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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