I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
