But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
