he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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