thus making me awesome and them whores
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
