Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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