Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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