Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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