i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
