Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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