Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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