Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
