you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just cropdusted the office
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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