That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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