I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
