would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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