hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
