when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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