Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
