he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
