Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
