marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
