Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
