I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
