There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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