Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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