all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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