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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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