I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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