I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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