we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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