there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
