so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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