The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize