I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
