fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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