every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
