i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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