your thong is hanging out like whoa
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
