Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
