he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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