I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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