I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize