IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
