His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
