Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
