then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were trust falling into bushes
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
