i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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You. Win. At. Life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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