Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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