we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
