You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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