We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize