I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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