I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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