Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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