You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize