i just had sex bonerless
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
