i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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