It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
