I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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