The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
