tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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