And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
