I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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