Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize