i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
