I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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