I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize