someone get that fucking seahorse.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
