you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
