Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
