Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is my gift to your gina
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
