Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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