you would pick up someone in the library
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
