I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
