I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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